It goes without saying that relationships are built on trust, and without this crucial aspect of human interaction your time together is doomed. But what about situations when it can be extremely difficult to share confidences? Some secrets are definitely larger than others, and simply can’t just be blurted out. It takes a lot of courage to divulge some things so they require a lot of pre-planning.
Choosing your moment
One thing that can be stated with some certainty is that whatever secrets you are guarding, reserve these for a moment when you have gained each other’s trust, further down the line. If you’ve soaked up a lot of Dutch Courage on a first date, you might have the courage to come out with something big, but the dropping of bombshells should be handled with a bit more decorum, and only when the time is right.
So what are some of these momentous admissions you might have to eventually bite the bullet about and tell all to your partner? And how should you go about making these confessions?
Alcohol or drug issues
Substance dependency is a perennial scourge and an issue that effects so many people. But the fact that alcoholism is a subject deep rooted in society means you should never be wary of admitting your own problems to a partner for fear of coming across as a type of person they might not have encountered before. There may well be alcoholics in your partner’s family.
Honesty is always the best policy. You don’t want them to find out after you’ve been invited along to a function at their office and all their friends wonder why you keep refusing drinks. If the earliest stage of a relationship is infatuation, when you can’t keep your hands off one another, when that euphoria subsides and you start really getting to know what makes both of you tick that’s when to explain to your partner that you don’t drink; or that you previously had an issue with prescription pills, or whatever.
Mental health issues
It can seem daunting to have to admit to a new partner that you have mental health issues. Not so long ago these problems were deeply stigmatized by society and there were widely-held misconceptions that the mentally ill were often crazed individuals with violent tendencies. The truth is that mental ill health is a subject that will affect one in four adults at some point during their lives, so admitting to have had past experiences or present conditions should not be seen as any different to explaining about a broken leg or high blood pressure.
Again, it is important to broach the subject at a point during your relationship where you feel you are ready to open up about yourself. You don’t need to go into all the vivid details of what you’ve actually gone through, especially if there was hospitalisation involved. But by all means paint a broader picture. ‘I have bipolar disorder but this is controlled by medication.’ Or ‘I suffered from depression when I was younger because of X, Y, Z extenuating circumstances, but now have never felt healthier.’
The previous advice about never opening up about certain secrets on your first date needs to be amended where your own physical health could have a detrimental effect on your partner’s. This is particularly the case for sexually transmitted diseases because it is hardly unknown for couples who get on so well on their first date to end up sleeping together.
STD are not necessarily a sign or promiscuity; some are transmitted through blood transfusion. But if you want to avoid the trauma of having to admit to having an STD to a new partner, there are dating websites catering for singles who have exactly these issues.
In conclusion, if you value the strength of your relationship, then the rule of thumb is there should be no secrets too big for it. Always be prepared to trust in your partner’s ability to take on-board anything you have summoned up the courage to confide in them. It will only make your relationship stronger. Otherwise, go online and join Flirt.com to find your true love you will be able to talk freely with.